So I bought a pair of Nike trainers at Harrods the other day. I read about them in the Harrods customer magazine. Now the purchase of my trainers, I readily accept, is hardly worthy of a blog. But these are no ordinary trainers. Oh no. These trainers are far from ordinary.
You can run in them certainly. And they’ve got the air-bags, or whatever they are in the soles, and anti-lock brakes and stuff. And they’ve got the big Nike swoosh on the side that says, ‘Do NOT mess with me, I am a SERIOUS joggist. I get off my lardy ass and pound the streets because I WILL fit into that slinky little black dress by Saturday night OR ELSE...’. But that’s all yesterday’s news. That’s not why I bought them.
I bought them because they come with the ‘Nike+ iPod Sport Kit’. Listen to this – you get a wireless sensor/receiver mi’bobbin linked to your shoes and iPod Nano and it tells you your speed, time, calories burned and distance travelled. AND, while you’re running, no, really, wait, this is the totally unbelievably cool bit - you get motivational messages from Paula Radcliffe or Lance Armstrong saying things like, Work it fat bird, WORK it!
Actually, I made that motivational message up. I haven’t quite got as far as using the Kit yet so I’ve no idea what they really say to you. But that’s not the point. The point is it’s completely wicked. When you get home, you can upload your run data to the Nike Plus website and track your progress to little black dress heaven.
Now, I daresay I could have spent a month or so in Niketown, handling the merchandise and sniffing the insoles of a thousand pairs of trainers before maybe stumbling across this revolution in little black dress feasibility. But I didn’t. That’s mainly because I have an aversion to pimply adolescents and I prefer to shop at Harrods whenever possible for obvious snobbery reasons. Presumably, I could also have visited Nike’s website or joined their newsletter mailing list and
discovered these trainers there. But I didn’t do that either. That’s because I hate ‘spam’. Spam is SO post-war luncheon don’t you think?
What I actually did was read all about them in the Harrods customer magazine produced by River Publishing. I wasn’t actually looking for trainers, I certainly didn’t need them, but it was a great article and I couldn’t resist. So I’m a jolly happy customer, Harrods is happy (they’ve got my cash) and River Publishing is feeling pretty smug too because their magazine has directly influenced my buying behaviour in Harrods’ favour. So the only question remaining, is WHO is going to shrink my butt by next Saturday?
I love you all dahlinks – more soon...
Angelica xxx
Tuesday, 9 September 2008
Monday, 4 August 2008
Elephantitis
I was having a bit of a ‘value’ moment the other day. You know how it is – it’s getting towards the end of the month, the credit card’s on overload, the bills need to be paid and you very nearly, almost but not quite, start to zone in on those Carol Vorderman ‘consolidate your debts’ advertisements. You’ve already cancelled the weekly Beluga order and ‘prudence’ becomes the order of the day instead.
Well I happened upon a copy of Bonmarché magazine and my troubles were over. It’s a magazine for ladies of a certain age who prefer to stretch their retail therapy budgets as far as they can and I found myself in exactly that position. The relief was palpable I can tell you. And I’m not alone. It transpires that Bonmarché is incredibly well supported where customers purchase the magazine, for a very respectable 75p, across its 300 stores helping make Bonmarché the second largest retailer by volume in the UK.
Needless to say, this is another publication from the River Publishing stable and you simply know that there are going to be some business drivers working overtime behind the glossy covers. Bonmarché were keen to capture customer data from its magazine endeavours and River has ensured that almost 50% of readers return the annual reader questionnaire. Which is how they can say with authority that 70% of the magazine readers recommend the Bonmarché stores to their friends and over 50% of readers have bought a product advertised in the magazine. So I felt in pretty good company when I purchased my ‘Majestic Elephant’ gold bangle advertised in the magazine. Yes, I know it’s not typically my style, but then again, as I said to Serge only yesterday, if one elephant with a raised trunk is said to bring good luck, just imagine how fortunate a girl would be to have a whole parade of elephants wrapped around her wrist. The mind boggles. Certainly in 14 carat gold it does – and only £39.95 payable in interest-free monthly installments. My cup truly runneth over. How could I possibly resist?
Flushed with the success of my elephantitis, I immediately went out to celebrate with a crate of Bolly and a night at the Ivy. I was rather hoping for the interest-free option there too but, regrettably, the Maître d’ was less than accommodating. I suspect that the only real way to cost-effectively celebrate the value of customer magazines is to make River Publishing throw a party. I’ve heard they’re very good at that too.
More soon dahlinks...
Angelica
Well I happened upon a copy of Bonmarché magazine and my troubles were over. It’s a magazine for ladies of a certain age who prefer to stretch their retail therapy budgets as far as they can and I found myself in exactly that position. The relief was palpable I can tell you. And I’m not alone. It transpires that Bonmarché is incredibly well supported where customers purchase the magazine, for a very respectable 75p, across its 300 stores helping make Bonmarché the second largest retailer by volume in the UK.
Needless to say, this is another publication from the River Publishing stable and you simply know that there are going to be some business drivers working overtime behind the glossy covers. Bonmarché were keen to capture customer data from its magazine endeavours and River has ensured that almost 50% of readers return the annual reader questionnaire. Which is how they can say with authority that 70% of the magazine readers recommend the Bonmarché stores to their friends and over 50% of readers have bought a product advertised in the magazine. So I felt in pretty good company when I purchased my ‘Majestic Elephant’ gold bangle advertised in the magazine. Yes, I know it’s not typically my style, but then again, as I said to Serge only yesterday, if one elephant with a raised trunk is said to bring good luck, just imagine how fortunate a girl would be to have a whole parade of elephants wrapped around her wrist. The mind boggles. Certainly in 14 carat gold it does – and only £39.95 payable in interest-free monthly installments. My cup truly runneth over. How could I possibly resist?
Flushed with the success of my elephantitis, I immediately went out to celebrate with a crate of Bolly and a night at the Ivy. I was rather hoping for the interest-free option there too but, regrettably, the Maître d’ was less than accommodating. I suspect that the only real way to cost-effectively celebrate the value of customer magazines is to make River Publishing throw a party. I’ve heard they’re very good at that too.
More soon dahlinks...
Angelica
Monday, 21 July 2008
I've found the answer...and it's fish oil
Dahlinks, I’ve found the answer and it’s fish oil. This is for internal consumption I hasten to add. Lord only knows what Serge would think if I started on the fish oil facials and the all-over sardine body-rub. It’s the Omega 3 you see. And Omega 6. And for heavens sake don’t forget to chew on some Ginko Biloba. It’s brain food for children, adults and especially for women of a certain age. Not that I am a certain age of course, I’m not. I don’t have an age.
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age”
That was Lucille Ball – I read the quote in ‘healthy’ magazine. Dear, darling Lucille. You were so right. But you’re dead. So I thought I had better find a little extra assistance to supplement the lying.
I picked up a copy of ‘healthy’ magazine at Holland & Barrett for just £1.50. It’s one of those River Publishing customer magazines and it’s the fastest growing health magazine in the UK. Well that doesn’t surprise me – in just one single issue I was able to read about hot flushes, thrush, men’s gonads and the birds and the bees. Honestly, that kind of line-up wouldn’t have been out of place on the ‘topshelf’, but actually those clever River editorial types have managed to balance the real health issues with our day-to-day lives.
And my day-to-day life, let me tell you, requires all the detoxification and supplementation I can find. I came away with simply armfuls of pills, potions and lotions that should take care of my outers, my lowers and dare even I mention, my innards – you know, those special little itches? They’re all taken care of thanks to ‘healthy’ and Holland & Barrett and of course River Publishing. Would you believe 98% of ‘healthy’ readers have or will probably buy something that is featured in the magazine. The other 2% are obviously stupid.
So, even after the collapse of my recent pig’s liver and cumquat smoothie diet – please, don’t even ask – I still have a balanced feeling of well-being and I’m able to take on all the martinis and daiquiris that the world has to throw at me. I really must find out what other customer magazines River Publishing are involved with – they seem to be doing me and me colon the power of good.
Ciao-ciao dahlinks, and feel free to contact me, we can do lunch – ping me a mail. More soon…
Angelica
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age”
That was Lucille Ball – I read the quote in ‘healthy’ magazine. Dear, darling Lucille. You were so right. But you’re dead. So I thought I had better find a little extra assistance to supplement the lying.
I picked up a copy of ‘healthy’ magazine at Holland & Barrett for just £1.50. It’s one of those River Publishing customer magazines and it’s the fastest growing health magazine in the UK. Well that doesn’t surprise me – in just one single issue I was able to read about hot flushes, thrush, men’s gonads and the birds and the bees. Honestly, that kind of line-up wouldn’t have been out of place on the ‘topshelf’, but actually those clever River editorial types have managed to balance the real health issues with our day-to-day lives.
And my day-to-day life, let me tell you, requires all the detoxification and supplementation I can find. I came away with simply armfuls of pills, potions and lotions that should take care of my outers, my lowers and dare even I mention, my innards – you know, those special little itches? They’re all taken care of thanks to ‘healthy’ and Holland & Barrett and of course River Publishing. Would you believe 98% of ‘healthy’ readers have or will probably buy something that is featured in the magazine. The other 2% are obviously stupid.
So, even after the collapse of my recent pig’s liver and cumquat smoothie diet – please, don’t even ask – I still have a balanced feeling of well-being and I’m able to take on all the martinis and daiquiris that the world has to throw at me. I really must find out what other customer magazines River Publishing are involved with – they seem to be doing me and me colon the power of good.
Ciao-ciao dahlinks, and feel free to contact me, we can do lunch – ping me a mail. More soon…
Angelica
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